How To Raise Grateful Kids
When my oldest child was a toddler, my husband and I were all over her about her manners, “Say please.” “What do you say?” “Say thank you.” My own mom, who I would think would’ve supported such attentive parenting, would often tell me to “leave her alone” “let her be” “she’s only 2.” Still, we found it very hard to lay off. Even now, as seasoned, professional- type (a.k.a old) parents, we are focused on making our 3 year old twins say “thank you” for every crumb thrown at them. Often, I find myself instructing them on what to say before even giving them a chance to say it. Our efforts seem to be paying off, as all of our children are polite, if nothing else. But, are they only going through the motions, or are they truly grateful? No one is born grateful, it is learned. People with a sense of gratitude are generally much happier than those who never learned it. Here are five ways to help inspire a true sense of gratitude in your children.
1. Talk about gratitude daily. Yes, this is a great time of year to focus on it, but you wouldn’t teach table manners only around the holidays.
2. Lead by example. Always, but especially in front of your children, express gratitude for the simple things. Your children will benefit from watching you thank the mailman, the gas attendant and even your spouse for doing the things they are expected to do.
3. Teach them about the world. There is nothing more powerful than perspective when it comes to being grateful for what we have. By age 7, most children can appreciate a comparison between themselves and those less fortunate. Act locally. Have your children participate, even in small ways, in their community.
4. Say No and teach patience. It is impossible to expect them to develop an attitude of gratitude when they want for nothing. I used to get frustrated on Christmas because I didn’t think my children fully appreciated all they have been given. If they weren’t jumping up and down at the sweater they received after a day of sweets and marathon toy opening, I worried they were or would be perceived as ingrates. Now, while I still hope they do and say the right thing, I am less concerned about what it says about them as a person and less concerned about what others think of them. Manage your expectations.
5. Don’t tell them what to say. Give gratitude a chance to grow. Help them figure things out on their own. For example, after first giving your child a chance to say the “right thing” after receiving a gift, try encouraging her to remember to be thankful. Don’t always jump to, “Say Thank You”. Try, “Wow. That’s a great gift. That was really nice of Aunt Joan to take the time to buy that for you.” Or, “You are so lucky to have such a great aunt.” You will be doing much to foster the correct feeling instead of just the correct response, and the giver will appreciate the thanks much more if it doesn’t sound like it comes from a puppet.
