Why Women Don’t Want to Have Sex

shutterstock_207319927With the weather turning colder, I am starting to think of more indoor activities to keep my kids happy and healthy. But, what about us adults? Indoors after all, especially now that I am 41 years old, is my preferred location for a roll in the hay — more like a roll in a room with really good lighting, nice sheets and adequate heat. Sex is not only fun, but from a health perspective, is good for you in so many ways. It decreases stress, aids in better sleep, boosts your immune system and improves your relationship with your significant other. If done regularly and with some enthusiasm, it can provide a workout which will benefit your cardiovascular health.

So, with all these benefits, why do women complain so often of lack of interest?

Very important to the discussion is that low sexual desire, or Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), is only an issue if it presents a psychological problem for the patient. If you little interest in sex, but so does your partner, and it is not an issue, jump on the treadmill a few times a week and don’t worry about it. HSDD only becomes a medical diagnosis when the lack of desire has a negative effect on life or is a cause of anxiety and distress.

The most common sexual male complaint is erectile dysfunction which is a physiologic problem and can be fixed with a pill in many cases. The lack of desire to have sex is a woman’s most common complaint, and of course, is complicated and multi-faceted making it much more difficult to treat. It is the result of a combination of physical and psychological factors. For instance, I lose interest when I feel bloated, fat and unattractive. A man can gain 20 pounds, have a full body rash and develop an odor problem and his sexual desire would likely remain the same.

What are the common factors?

– The natural decline in libido as we age.

– Medical problems such as depression, fibroids and endometriosis.

– Medications, including antidepressants, blood pressure meds and birth control pills can decrease sexual desire.

– Low testosterone. This is a problem for both men and women.

– Stress and the social pressure to look air brushed at all times.

– EXHAUSTION! This is a big one around this time of year when many women are running themselves ragged.

Why Women Don't Want to Have SexIn the long term, there is good news. Finally, medical research investigating women’s sexual issues is catching up to the research on men’s issues. Someday not too far in the future, hopefully right around the time I lose interest, there may be a pharmaceutical solution.

In the short term, what can women do if they want to enjoy a healthy sex life, but just don’t feel like it.

Experts suggest:

— over the counter lubricants to fight the vaginal changes associated with age

— honest conversations with your partner and a focus on foreplay, rather than intercourse

— be mindful of sleep, exercise and a healthy diet

— engage in stress reducing activities

— see your doctor if you think you may have a medical problem, be it physical or psychological

I also suggest a nice bottle of red, a back rub from a willing partner and the adoption of the attitude you deserve to feel good.

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Author: Karen Latimer

Karen is a Family Doctor, mom of five and founder of Tips From Town.


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